"Where did my shaving kit go" asked the woman sitting next to him, "it was here a second ago."
She gave Jack Gland the once over and stuck out her hand to be shook.
"My name is Skin Plate" she barked, "and I'm a bitch until I get my shave-on". She slammed her fist on Jack Gland's groin. Things went white. He never thought a shaving kit could cause so much pain when the whacked you where it counts to most.
"Welcome to San Diego" said the cab driver. Jack Gland was in the back seat at San Diego International Airport, rubbing his nuts. The driver looked in the rear view and then continued speaking.
"Nice day to get hammered in the jewel vault he said." Jack Gland noticed that the driver held a clawhammer as he maneuvered the stirring wheel.
It was going to be a long day.
“The sun shine downs on the happy yard sale outside the apartment building, on the green patch of lawn the city owns by the bus stop on Upas, named for the tree that never existed, which makes it all the more happy, somehow. The yard sale may be selling the sunshine to the interested, bargain-hungry customers who stop by, because only by stopping and looking and handling things will they notice how much they want and need the ordinary. And if we didn’t do this at some point in our lives – frequently, in fact – we would all starve to death, unless the State fed us like sea monkeys in a goddamn glass of tap water, right? As it turns out, in a city full of sunny days you can sell sunshine in an old cup at a yard sale, or even a mote of dust if you can get a sticker on it, or a mud pie. Yard sale customers come up and smile and talk to you and are really nice, as nice as they should be trying to get something for next to nothing that really IS worth next to less than nothing unless some bastard has pulled a fast one on you and gotten a collector’s item. At the end of the day, maybe you will make a hundred dollars or a little more if you are lucky and smart and don’t say anything that will spill the sunshine off of the ashtrays and cracked cassettes on your coffee table. Sunshine is as bright as a child’s eyes and as elusive as dog piddle, when you get right down to it. In the morning, you will gather up all of the leftover sunshine puddles and make light, fluffy pancakes. The pancakes will glow in the skillet and light up the syrup from inside the bottle. You can drain the bottle and sell it at the next yard sale, right there at the corner of Upas, which is about as real as I can stand it…”
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